


Being human

by ca_te



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: Angst, Kissing, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-18
Updated: 2010-09-18
Packaged: 2017-10-11 23:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 22 July 2009 for the 30 kisses comm at Lj. Written using 2nd person.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Being human

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 22 July 2009 for the 30 kisses comm at Lj. Written using 2nd person.

You like to walk. Sometimes it's painful, but you still like it. To feel your muscles going in the right place, your bones slowly cracking to life. Your knees are like flat little balls but they still work.

You like to walk everywhere. On train platforms, on crowded sidewalks, on desert paths in parks. Walking makes your blood run faster. Once Kazuho told you that inside your blood there are red and white cells. You wasn't able to imagine them, to imagine that your poisoned blood may contain something like that. From then on every time you got a wound you look at the blood spilling, trying to see those white and red things. You don't care if you bleed.

But sometimes you see Miharu bleeding, and those times you do not want to see his blood. You want his wounds to heal, you want the colour to go back to his cheeks.

Blood is something that fits well only in your own life.

Today the sky is clouded over your head, over the earth. You don't know if you like more the sun or the rain. It's something you have never thought about seriously. You have always want to disappear, like ice under the sunlight. No trace behind. So it didn't make sense to think about likes and dislikes as every human being.

Miharu often tells you that you are human, just like him, just like Yukimi and the others. But you look at the energy in Miharu's thin form, at Raikou's smiles, you listen to Yukimi's laughs and you know you just don't belong there.

Today is windy, and you walk at the limits of Banten. The wind pushes at your back, your feet sink in the grass. It's the end of the summer and the grass begins to get dry. It's the end of the summer and you look at the time slipping through your fingers. You don't close your hands, you let it flow and pour down. On the dry earth.

There's a ruined fence running around the abandoned station.

You found this place the first time you came to Banten. You just couldn't stand being around Miharu all the time. There was something in that boy that was just too strong. It was pulling at you, pulling you out if the layer of pain you had built. You had built it because the world didn't seem to want you. You used to go to church. You used to look at those statues. The only thing you could see in those stony eyes was disgust. Disgust for the little shinigami you were. From then on every one has looked at you like that.

Then Miharu came, and his gentleness was so wrong. That's why you wandered alone that day. It was hard to go up and down the streets of Banten. Your breath was heavy and shaky when you arrived to the station. The rustling of the bamboo leaves filled your weak ears. The abandoned wagon seemed to sleep, like a long, lazy cat.

You just sat there. It started to rain. You sat listening to the sound the rain drops made over the roof.

Now you let your hand run over the ruined wood of the fence. Once it was painted in white, now what is left is the bare wood and here and there white spots. People have written on it. There are names and hearts. You have never thought that this place could be someone else's special place. You tend to forget that other people suffer too, that other people may seek loneliness just like you. Probably the reason why you can't stand being too much around Miharu is not only his kindness. The fact is that he refuses affection, he longs for loneliness and silence just like you.

It's something you tend not to consider. Sometimes your head is enveloped in cotton, your eyes closed and glued. And you don't see how things are for real.

Reality is something you tend to avoid. Because like this it's easier to disappear, thinking that reality is something out of reach.

Like a stone at the bottom of a lake.

You lean over the fence. It cracks a bit under your body. The bamboo bents in the wind.

The wind whistles through the rotten wood of the wagon. It makes a sound like the one of a out of tune violin. Not that you have ever listened to a violin playing. But you know violins exist. Your life is exactly like this. Things you've never seen. Things you do not want to see.

Miharu looks at your back. He thinks you seem a charcoal sketch on the surface of his life. He wants the charcoal to go deeper. He wants you to remain. He doesn't say anything. The wind slips under his shirt and embraces his bony ribcage. Miharu doesn't know if he likes sensations or not. Because sometimes he wants his body just to be silent and to let him in peace. From the time you first appeared in his life he finds it difficult to shut down his body. He knows perfectly that you would run away if you just knew how he longs to hug you, to feel your bones under his touch. If you knew how many times he has dreamt of you.

He doesn't know you have dreamt of him too. That's why you are here. That's why you are scared. You are scared like a child is scared by the sea waves. You are scared by things that are too big for you.

Miharu doesn't want to know what he is feeling.

You feel his eyes on your back. You curse being a ninja sometimes. Because it means you can't ignore things. You can't ignore the weigh of his gaze on you. But you don't turn.

You wait till you see his little hands on the fence, beside yours. His voice is so close and yet light.

\- I knew you were here.

You don't answer. You remember the day you took him here. You remember the way he walked silently. You remember that sticky, warm sensation filling your heart.

Your heart hits hard against your ribcage as you feel the sweet weight of Miharu's body against your back.

Miharu listens to the sounds your body is making. He thinks they are the same his own body is making. There's the pounding of the heart, the running of the blood, the puff of the air in the lungs. He stands on his toes.

You try with all your might to breath as you feel his fresh lips on your neck. You bite your lower lip to keep every sigh inside of you as he speaks, his lips brushing on your skin.

\- You are human, Yoite.

He slides his arms around your waist. You lean more over the fence. It cracks again.

Miharu looks at the ruined wood.

\- I don't want any fence.

Miharu knows he is asking too much. But he wants you to leave the abandoned place your heart is. As he has abandoned the muffled place his mind was.

He tenderly kisses your skin again.

You feel like crying. The contours of the wagon tremble behind the layer of tears forming in your eyes.

You let Miharu feel the trembling of your body as salty drops fall on the ruined wood of the old fence.


End file.
